Plutarch, Cicero
Bernadotte Perrin, Ed.

26. When Crassus was about to set out for Syria, wishing that Cicero should be a friend rather than an enemy, he said to him in a friendly manner that he wished to dine with him; and Cicero readily received him into his house. But a few days afterwards, when some friends interceded with him for Vatinius, saying that the man sought reconciliation and friendship (for he was an enemy), ‘It surely cannot be,’ said Cicero, ‘that Vatinius also wishes to dine with me.’ Such, then, was his treatment of Crassus. [2] Now, Vatinius himself had swellings on his neck, and once when he was pleading a case Cicero called him a tumid orator. Again, after hearing that Vatinius was dead, and then after a little learning for a surety that he was alive, ‘Wretchedly perish, then,’ said Cicero, ‘the wretch who lied!’ [3] And again, Caesar once got a decree passed that the land in Campania should be divided among his soldiers, and many of the senators were dissatisfied, and Lucius Gellius, who was about the oldest of them, declared that it should never be done while he was alive; whereupon Cicero said: ‘Let us wait, since Gellius does not ask for a long postponement.’ [4] There was a certain Octavius, too, who was reputed to be of African descent; to this man, who said at a certain trial that he could not hear Cicero, the orator replied: ‘And yet your ear is not without a perforation.’ ¹ And when Metellus Nepos declared that Cicero had brought more men to death as a hostile witness than he had saved from it as an advocate, ‘Yes,’ said Cicero, ‘I admit that my credibility is greater than my eloquence.’ [5] Again, when a certain young man who was accused of having given his father poison in a cake put on bold airs and threatened to cover Cicero with abuse, ‘That,’ said Cicero, ‘I would rather have from you than a cake.’ There was Publius Sextius, too, who retained Cicero as an advocate in a case, along with others, and then wanted to do all the speaking himself, and would allow no one else a word; when it was clear that he was going to be acquitted by the jurors and the vote was already being given, ‘Use your opportunity today, Sextius,’ said Cicero, ‘for to-morrow you are going to be a nobody.’ [6] Publius Consta, too, who wanted to be a lawyer, but was ignorant and stupid, was once summoned by Cicero as witness in a case; and when he kept saying that he knew nothing, ‘Perhaps,’ said Cicero, ‘you think you are being questioned on points of law.’ Again, in a dispute with Cicero, Metellus Nepos asked repeatedly ‘Who is your father?’ ‘In your case,’ said Cicero, ‘your mother has made the answer to this question rather difficult.’ [7] Now, the mother of Nepos was thought to be unchaste, and he himself a fickle sort of man. He once suddenly deserted his office of tribune and sailed off to join Pompey in Syria, and then came back from there with even less reason. Moreover, after burying his teacher Philagrus with more than usual ceremony, he set upon his tomb a raven in stone; whereupon Cicero remarked: ‘In this you have acted more wisely than is your wont, for he taught you to fly rather than to speak.’ [8] And again, when Marcus Appius prefaced his speech in a case by saying that his friend had begged him to exhibit diligence, eloquence, and fidelity, ‘And then,’ said Cicero, ‘are you so hard-hearted as to exhibit none of those great qualities which your friend demanded?’